By Ariane Beeston for COPE, Centre of Perinatal Excellence
It’s a week before Christmas and my baby is seven months old. Everyone has been asking me when I’ll take him to get his first Santa photo. I’m torn between wanting his first Christmas to be special (even though I know he won’t remember it) and simply collapsing into my own exhaustion.
Inside the shopping centre, everywhere I look is an assault on my senses. Tinsel seems to glare at me from the escalators. Christmas music thumps in my ears. People push past, bumping my pram and offering grunts of apology.
Overwhelmed, I make it to the bathrooms where I burst into tears. I have no Santa photo, and no presents crossed off my to-do list.
The stress and anxiety of the Christmas period – which is often amplified when we are new parents, is something we’re all familiar with.
Oh, how I struggled through that first Christmas. But with the benefit of hindsight, there are so many things I’d do differently now.
If you’re struggling to cope this Christmas, here are a few tips that might make life just that little bit easier:
1. Don’t be afraid to say no
When you’re not feeling like yourself, Christmas function after Christmas function can be physically and emotionally exhausting, especially if you feel you need to put on a ‘happy face’. While it’s important not to isolate yourself completely, don’t try to please everyone either. You can’t – and you’ll burn yourself out trying. Be selective about what you go to and what you opt out of. The people who matter will understand.
2. Be assertive about your needs and your baby’s needs
An influx of relatives eager to cuddle and pass around a new baby is stressful, even more so if you’re suffering from postnatal depression or anxiety. I know from experience that it’s not much fun being shut in a darkened room trying to calm an overstimulated baby, while everyone else eats Christmas lunch. Be firm about maintaining the routine you’ve got in place for your little one. If you need a rest too, make like your grandfather and disappear for an afternoon nap! And feel free to ignore the unsolicited parenting advice from your husband’s second cousin’s wife.
3. Have a back-up support plan in place
If your GP or counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist is away over the Christmas period, make sure you have a plan to help you get through this time. Lifeline (13 11 14) remains staffed 24/7 over the break. The Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) Helpline (1300 726 306) is only closed on Christmas Day. The Pregnancy Birth and Baby Helpline can be accessed on 1800 882 436. Please, don’t suffer in silence if you find yourself struggling while your supports are on leave.
4. Ask for help where needed, and accept it when it’s offered
If you’re lucky enough to have your partner around over the Christmas period, or even visiting relatives, try to carve out some pockets of time for yourself. An hour here and there can be completely rejuvenating and take the pressure off, even momentarily. Take advantage of any extra hands-on deck.
5. Try to keep a routine going
It can be easy to get lost in the lazier rhythm of the holidays, to drink too much alcohol, eat poorly, stop exercising and stay up later than usual, all of which can impact on your mood. Getting adequate sleep, good nutrition and regular exercise are all crucial elements of a good treatment and recovery plan. Try to be mindful of and prioritise these things where you can over the Christmas break.
6. Download the free Ready to COPE app
Ready to COPE app has been designed to support and reassure new and expectant parents throughout pregnancy and their first year of parenthood with timely information and advice each week. It also addresses some of the common concerns we often hear about from couples navigating parenthood.
The free app allows self-check-ins for stress, anxiety and depression and helps connect you to community support services, like GymbaROO-KindyROO ,or mental health professionals with expertise in treating perinatal mental illness.
7. Keep things in perspective
When you strip away the endless functions, the chaos of shopping centres, the inevitable family tension, and accept that Christmas will never be ‘perfect’, spending time with loved ones, the people who love you unconditionally, can be so affirming when you’re stressed – and a beautiful reminder of what’s really important.
Author:
Ariane Beeston is a registered psychologist and the Comms Manager at COPE. She is the author of the newly-released book: Because I’m Not Myself, You See – A memoir of motherhood, madness and coming back from the brink. https://www.blackincbooks.com.au/books/because-im-not-myself-you-see